Making career decisions based on wanting kids, or not

Making career decisions based on wanting kids, or not My friend Liz just got an offer to be director of a groundbreaking, high profile, psychology program. Its a lucrative, five-year contract. Liz is 35 and single and has tons of time to devote to her career. But shes not sure if she wants to take this offer because what she really wants is children. Like many women in this age group, Liz spent her 20s and early 30s building her career. She has lots of experience meeting men she can manage and very little experience meeting a man she can date. (Conversation we had when the last guy stopped talking to her at dinner: Me, Dump him. Liz, But you said talk isnt constant when youve been together a while. Me, Three weeks is not a while.) Her current job would be great if she had a guy lined up for kids because she could work part time, which would allow her to stay on her career path and spend a lot of time at home. But alas, there is no guy lined up. Her current job is good for online dating, too, because she can work from almost anywhere so she can conduct a broad search across county lines, (and because she can peruse Match.com from her office unnoticed.) But Liz is antsy to have a child and even with the Internet, dating is not a fast process. So she is thinking of taking things into her own hands. She has contemplated telling a boyfriend that she is using birth control when she is not, and getting pregnant that way. But she cant get past the conversation shed have with her teenage kid: Mom, why didnt my dad stick around? Because I tricked him into having a kid. Liz has two, non-boyfriend options: buying sperm from a bank or buying a baby from Asia. Both options cost about $30,000, which is a good argument for taking the new, high paying job. The ongoing cost of childcare which, for a single mom in her neighborhood, would be about $400 a week is another good reason to have a high paying job. Her current job would not provide enough income to fund this baby venture. But once shes the director of the program, she couldnt work part time, she couldnt move, and she probably couldnt even find the time to date. So for Liz, this job decision is loaded. Its the decision between holding onto the dream of a spouse and kids and a part-time job, or giving up the dream for more practical measures and going the child route alone. Liz calls me every day to discuss her life, which has become somewhat like a horse race. She tells me that this months boyfriend might be in love. He took me to his parents house for dinner. She thinks itll be a really good sign if he takes allergy pills so he can sleep over in her cat-infested bed. Then marriage is a real possibility. Last week, she got herself another month to make the decision about the directorship. By then, maybe Ill know. But she sighs a deep sigh, and we both know that when it comes to giving up a career for a family (or vice versa) really you never know.